I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?