i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
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I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
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I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.