According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I lost the right to judge tonight
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL