I want to have your abortion
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
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there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
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The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend