you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.