so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
