She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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