i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
