I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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