My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
