Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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