i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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