Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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