The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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