the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
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I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
false alarm, still single
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