I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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