I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
