the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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