Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
