5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
