i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
