I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
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At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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