apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
