I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
