My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
