finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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