my phone needs a breathalizer
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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