What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
