Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
