new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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