My liver just broke up with me...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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