I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
