The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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