dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
