Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
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