I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize