Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
