Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
