Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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