That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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