She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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