Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
