dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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