More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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