I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
