Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
