four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
