you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
