Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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