I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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