i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
only you would photoshop your dick
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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