So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
