I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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