My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness