last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
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I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
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I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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