Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Randomize
