Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
