if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.