I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods