Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
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"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
i think my cat just said my name.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel