I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life