Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
