I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.