I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
