oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
