this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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