im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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