I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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