She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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