This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
