I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize