Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
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It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
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I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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