I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
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I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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